It’s not that i do not respect my parents, i was brought up by a pair of no-nonsense parents. I remember how my dad used to discipline my brother and i when we were younger. The normal punishment we had were repetitive writing and kneeling down on the cold hard floor of our house. On good days father would use his belt or a hanger and proceed on to beat me hopefully i wake up my idea. Yes, younger days.
Now when as i grow older looking back, although i thank father for those beating which prevented me from walking astray in a sense i do not commit hideous crimes. Yet somehow i feel although he doesn’t use physical force, he still has this self-righteous idea in him that his ways and thoughts are always right. I am not questioning his many years of seniority but i just want to let him know that there are many other approach in solving a problem. Along the day, i decided i will stop trying to make him open up to these ways. Then came today.
During dinner, we were talking about how cash-strapped I was. I was waiting for the golden moment to come, It did. He asked me when will i stop smoking, i brushed the question aside but knowing father, he was persistent. He started to get agitated. I was non-chalent. I kept my cool knowing an argument will bring us nowhere. Then mom gently asked me to keep my cool, i know i was. I told her i’m tired of getting angry already. I just wanted to leave the dinner table as fast as i could. I knew i said something wrong at that split second. I wished words could be taken back.
Fast forwarding, i really hoped that father’s idea would change. The way he perceives me as, because i do not go church so i am not a good person. I have goodness in me as well but why wouldn’t he just praise me for that single goodness instead of pulling me down with my other bad points. This is my last step, i’m close to going back to God if He can work out a miracle regarding this. I left because of what i face at home in case if your wondering why i left in the first place. I don’t know how shall i explain this. Maybe i’m disillusioned more at home than church people themselves. I just hope You’ll prove me wrong this time.
